If your husband is cheating on you, would you want to know?  I know this is a very direct question, but it’s worth it to investigate your answer.  No one really wants to think about that possibility, especially if you love your husband very much.  Some women have the mindset, what I don’t know can’t hurt me.  And although I emphatically disagree, I understand that once you know, everything will change.  I also understand that there is often more at stake than one would initially think, you have to enter these gates with caution but enter them you must.     

 While we are on the subject of the truth, another truth is that whatever is done in darkness will eventually come to light.  So, unless we want to intentionally ignore all the warning signs and kill all the messengers, we will eventually come face to face with our reality.  Oh, and yes, there will be messengers.  Some of your messengers will be people that are simply “messy boots”.  They will be very glad to be in your business sharing the bad news like Channel 9 News.  But, there may also be messengers that care about you and don’t want to see you placed in a compromised position, so don’t kill the messenger.

While it is important to determine whether you would want to know if your husband is cheating on you, I think the bigger question is, if he is, what are you going to do?  There is no quick one size fits all rule of how to handle such a situation.  No one can tell you what your next steps should be, the truth is, only you can make that decision when and if that time comes.  In most cases, women usually don’t know exactly what they will do until they are placed in that position.  I hope you never experience such a thing, but if you don’t, someone you know certainly will.  Having some idea of how things may go will be helpful towards your resolve.  You literally have to create a scientific equation to prepare yourself.  (i.e. If this happens, that I will do this, but if that happens, I  will have to do that…)  It could go on and on.  The best thing to do is to make sure your cash flow is right.  What if you know that your girlfriend’s husband is cheating on her?  Should you tell her, would you tell her?  Perhaps one day more women will talk about these matters and share their honest feelings.  I have asked a few of my girlfriends and all but one said they would want to know.  In my opinion all of those decisions should be respected.  Sometimes it’s best to let people work out their own situation, especially if they share with you they would not want to know.

I personally don’t believe that anyone should make a hasty decision when they are upset.  I believe that if it’s possible to save the marriage (meaning both parties are willing to do what is necessary to get back on track) then that should happen.  No one can be in a marriage alone, so unfortunately some marriages will come to an end – simply because, it takes two.  At the end of the day each woman has to make the hard decisions on what she wants to know and what she will do about it when she finds out.  What’s important here is that some thought on the subject is conducted.  Divas should know, where they would live and how the bills will be paid.  If you have that much figured out, the rest will be easier to deal with.

Are you ready for the winter?  If you’ve lived on the east coast long enough, you know cold weather is about ready to go down.  Because we have this spring like weather going on right now the flowers, bird and all bugs are so confused.  They don’t know whether they are coming or going.  So my little garden flowers were wilted a few weeks ago as we were down to about 45 degrees, now that it is 70 degrees, the plants are trying to make a comeback.  The problem with this is, the last time this happened some of them died.  A few weeks ago all the crickets and flies couldn’t be seen or heard outside, well guess what?  They’re back - but not for long.  Soon, they will be hiding underground to get away from the cold.  I see people too are just a bit confused, some people are walking around wearing long sleeved jackets while others are in tank tops, shorts and flip flops.  Seeing both types of clothing at the same time well - it’s a little weird.

There is no doubt that winter is coming, so we may as well go ahead and get prepared.  I don’t know about you, but I like to be toasty in bed at night, during the winter months.  All my comforters are laundered and ready for their keep me warm assignments.  And yes I sleep with multiple covers, hey when it hits 0 degrees out there - I don’t want to be one comforter short of warmth and coziness.

Things we should think about when preparing for the cold weather.

1.       Get your car checked out to ensure your fluids are topped off and switched over to the thicker fluids where it applies.  Who wants to get stranded in the snow – not any diva I know.

2.       Stock up on salt.  Your local stores may run out, but even if they don’t, who wants to go out in five inches of snow to purchase snow melt salt – not me that’s who.

3.       Stock up on detergents, toilet paper, water and canned items.  Trust me, there are times when the weather is really nasty, you’ll be glad to open a can of something and call it a night.

4.       Ensure your heating system is up and running.  The absolute worst thing that could happen is that you power up your heating system when it’s cold and it doesn’t work.

5.       Oh the gloves, scarfs and winter coats.  Make sure they are laundered.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people coming out of the cleaners in the dead of winter with 4 or 5 coats in their hands and not one on their backs.  I’m thinking pneumonia.

6.       Plan game night events.  It’s not like you’re going out in the snow to a movie.  Nice time to plan a game night and if the pizza guy makes it to your house in the snow – give him a nice tip.

7.       Last but not least, Diva get your clothes right.  Get those winter sweaters and winter suits ready to go.  If you care about circulation and the resistance of frost bite, get it ready now girl.

Prepare, stay warm – stay healthy and definitely stay fabulous.

Some women don’t have the first clue on how to be a good friend.  It’s unfortunate because how this world is set up, we need every good friend we can find.  The thing is, the only way to have a good friend is to be one.  It’s really hard on us girls who are die hard good friends, especially when it’s not reciprocated.  Truth is after a few selfish moves on your end, she will say “girl bye”.  So if you’re in the market for a good friend, I have a few ideas that will help you build that relationship into a lasting one.

1.      Treat others the way you would like to be treated.  It doesn’t always have to go your way, take interest in a friend’s choice and go with it. Tomorrow is another day, it’ll be your choice then.

2.     Be a shoulder to cry on and help when help is needed.  No one wants to be the one running to the rescue all the time, sometimes that person needs support too - be there.

3.     A conversation should be fifty- fifty.  A conversation is a two way street.  If you find yourself doing all the talking without even so much as a breath in between, girl you are doing too much.  Take a breath and listen to her opinion.

4.     Keep a secret, Diva everybody doesn’t have to know what you were told.  If it needs to be said, let your girlfriend be the one to say it, not you.

5.     Do something nice for your friend, just because.  Sometimes we have difficult days and taking your sister out to a girls night dinner or hanging out and watching a movie is nice, even when you have something to do.  You’ll always have something to do.  Besides, how strong can your relationship become if you only spend time once a year when you are free.

6.     Be appreciative.  If your friends do something nice for you, make sure you let her know just how much you appreciate the effort.

7.     Buy thoughtful gifts.  People tend to buy what they like and not give thought to the person they are shopping for.  Well diva, next time her birthday comes around focus on your sister’s preferences. 

8.     Watch what you say to your girl, even if you are mad.  Don’t bring weapons of mass destruction to a fist fight. It’s okay to be angry, but don’t be hateful.  Once the words are out there, you can’t take them back.

We can’t fly solo, we need our girls.  Divas know if you abuse people, you will lose people.  My dad always said, "you never miss the water until the well runs dry".   Nurture your relationships, that is the only way they will stay healthy and strong. 

It’s not unusual for anyone to make a mistake.  Sometimes we simply make poor decisions and those decisions have the potential to create lots of problems in our life.  What is worse than making a bad decision is allowing someone else to make it for you.  I honestly would rather make my own mistakes, than live with the outcome of someone else’s.  Perhaps silly, but I relish in the idea that if something is going wrong in my life, it’s my error and I am certainly invested in fixing it. 

First of all, we should/must make every effort to avoid mistakes in judgement, especially the ones that can be devastating to us or our loved ones.  We can’t control everything and sometimes no matter how hard you try, stuff happens.  However, it is definitely worth it to make an effort to get information prior to.  It is absolutely imperative that we do our due diligence, when and where possible. The more information we can gather prior to making a decision, the better our chances of making a good decision will be.  Don’t get pressured into making rash decision.  Take your time and process the information.  Ask your questions and get the answers you need to make an informed choice.  Whatever it is, if it is for you, it will still be for you when you finish thinking.

I’m not saying you should take a year to decide whether you want to purchase a particular house or not.  Yep, it will be sold to someone else.  I am saying if you met someone a day ago, cool your jets with, we’re getting married.  What could you possibly know about this guy in a few days? If you are in the market for a car, don’t fall in love with the first car you see and purchase it.  It’s a good idea not to buy a car the same day – even if you love it to death.  Shop around, it might be thousands of dollars cheaper somewhere else.  Leave room for negotiation.

Diva what I know for sure is, quick decisions are rarely good ones.  Anything worth doing, is worth doing well and that applies to relationships, large purchases and anything else that will affect your life in a major way.  The old saying, “Haste makes waste” couldn’t be more accurate”.  Don’t let anyone, not even yourself force you to make quick decisions, think it through and save yourself the headache and personal aggravation of finding out you made a choice that bites.

Walk like a giant girl.  Every morning when I wake up, I thank God for another day.  I am always cognizant of the fact, that there may be challenges and even annoyances that I may have to face today.  But, I will walk like a giant because, I know the challenges and the annoyances are not larger than my ability to handle them.  The same rule applies to every woman who understands that her strength comes from within.

We sometimes take for granted the shear strength, courage and determination that it takes to get through our life.  Let’s start with having a child, it is the most amazing thing in the world, but, any mother will tell you that it is also a little stressful. You worry about your health and the health of your unborn child for months and continue until the moment that child is born.  Once you’ve checked that all the fingers and toes are there, you take a small sigh of relief but worrying is far from over.  We won’t even get into the hours of unbearable pain that we endure during labor.  Anything can go wrong after conception.  Some woman don’t make it through childbirth, but that never, not for a minute, deters us from having children.  Did I mention that a large majority of women is also working during their pregnancy?  Wobbling to work with swollen feet, sleep deprived and exhausted.  We still manage to come home, cook and take care of our families.

 It takes guts and gumption to climb the corporate ladder and fight to break through that glass ceiling that prevents so many of us from obtaining the positions that we so rightfully deserve.  There are woman, sisters around the world, who fight every day for basic rights and still don’t have the right to vote or even share their opinion in public.  But Diva’s everywhere know that when they get up every morning, they must have a successful day and therefore, they must walk like a giant – stand tall.  Regardless of your location around the world or your circumstance, you must fill your day with positivity and you will get through it.  Why, because we understand the value and importance of our contribution, and we gladly rise to the challenge.

It’s not always easy to get past a painful situation, whether it’s a death in the family, a divorce or that dream job you thought you’ll have forever.  Life marches on, people change, and things change as well.  To successfully get through this life, we have to be accepting of change because change is the only thing that is consistent.  I know I have said this in a previous blog post, but it is so worth repeating.  We have to be more like trees, which bend and shift in the storm.  The secret to successfully weathering the storm is being flexible and having that advance assurance that, this too will end. 

And so, what is left to do after the storm has ended?  Cry, yes certainly – free your soul.  A little discombobulation might be taking place?  Yes, take the time you need to settle down and regroup.  Somethings take a minute to work through.  The thing to understand is, you have to give yourself a reasonable amount of time to work through the situation and your emotions, but you must absolutely move forward - this is not an option.  It’s unhealthy to remain in a negative space for any length of time, why would you want to anyway, it only hurts you. 

What else must you do after that life crises have shocked you, hurt you, and broke you down to the core?  What you do is, treat your life like you would a weather beaten house, you access the damage, save what you can, throw away what is beyond repair and then…you rebuild.  Oh and if there are things you need to upgrade, yeah throw those away too.  This is a great time for a brand new start.  Okay being more practical, you can give stuff away to good will or sell.  Whatever, just get rid of the unnecessary weight/stuff and anything that is a regular reminder of what you need to close the door on.

So, now it’s time to do your life work.  I think it’s always smart to deal with your mental health first, so how are you?  Do you need therapy?  Diva don’t be afraid or feel uncomfortable about getting what you need to put you in a good head space.  If you need a pastor's counseling or a therapist to help you navigate your healing, so be it.  If a good sister or a few sisters can help you figure it out and unclog your drains, hey go with that.  Once you are thinking clearly unhampered by overflowing emotion, it is time to make some life changing decisions.  You must choose to be happy, choose to be healthy and choose to be wealthy.  Yep, they are all choices.  You can’t control everything (i.e. Acts of God) but you can control yourself.  It’s your life, it’s time for you to make the right choices and start the work.

Once you’ve decided what you want, there is only one thing left to do – go for it.  Take one step at a time and rebuild from the ground up.  Purchase yourself a fabulous journal and write out your plan.  Personally, once I write it down – it’s done.  It becomes real, a true measurable goal and I’m on it.  It’s really a fun process,  you may have never thought to undergo it had it not been for the crises.  It’s important to understand that all things work together for good.  Sometimes it’s the most negative things that are the catalyst for the most wonderful things in your life.  You are here, go ahead and enjoy your healing process.  Who says it has to be difficult and tumultuous?  It is what you make it. You have already gone through the difficult part, this step is easy - enjoy! 

I am so looking forward to the holidays.  Why, because it’s another wonderful opportunity to spend quality time with the people I love.  Thanksgiving and Christmas are a big deal in my home.   Like the department stores, I plan for these holidays way too early.  Unlike the department stores, the holidays are not a commercial event to me.  We actually give thanks for our friends, family and our life in general.  Christmas is very special to me because of my religious beliefs and it’s always lots of fun to cook with my girls and enjoy the evening with the fam.  I’m dreaming of a white Christmas sounds good in theory but actuality is another story.  Skip me with the snow and ice, being cold is enough – thank you. 

While I have my thoughts on the holiday season, I do realize though, that there are many people who have lost family members around the holidays and for them, this time of year could be extremely stressful.  There are elderly folks who seems to be forgotten and in general some people can’t afford the expense of gifts and the holiday turkey dinner, etc. 

Let’s remember these people, keeping them in our prayers this holiday season.  Let’s remember the reason for the season and share what we have with others.   Visiting the hospital, an elderly home or simply sending over a plate of food for an elderly neighbor, is sure to warm someone’s heart and put a smile on their face. 

One of the best lessons we can teach our children this holiday season is, there is more to life than getting everything they want for Christmas.  Dropping off gifts to children in homeless shelters or the cancer center is an experience your children will never forget.  It’s all about the memories so make wonderful memories this year, plan early and do some good in the world diva.  Don’t let the opportunity to make a difference pass you by this holiday season.