Diva Living Today

The best way to stop a bully is to punch them dead in the face.  I heard this on T.V. and thought, well, that might have been an effective method in elementary school, but what do you do about a bully who is all grown up.  It is certainly a challenge when you are faced with bullying in the workplace.  You get to work on time each day and you do a wonderful job.  You're helpful, friendly, and have a professional demeanor.  Unfortunately for some employees, this is far from enough.  Some people come to work with a lot of personal baggage and sometimes their behavior or lack thereof get in the way of workflow and production.  It can also create a stressful situation for you, if you don’t manage things well.  Whether it be a colleague or especially your supervisor/boss, people who play games and set themselves out to harass other members of staff help to create a hostile work environment.  Companies would be wise to put policies in place to discourage such an abuse of power.  You would be surprised to know that an individual’s low self-esteem, jealousy and ego often prevents companies and their clients from profiting  from a smooth and seamless productive day.  This can happen all because of one person whose ego is out of check – it’s a loose, loose situation.

Why do adults bully?  There are so many reasons and combinations of reasons, we could go on for a week.  I think the biggest reason people bully is to make themselves feel better about who they are.  Low self-esteem, in my humble opinion, is reason number one.  People who don’t feel smart enough, tall enough, cute enough or feel like they need to be in a higher mental position than you, may lash out.  Jealousy is reason number two.  Are you smart, do you do a great job and, put your best foot forward?  Do you take pride in your appearance, are you well liked?  If you answered yes to any of these, then you should know, there will be haters.  Bullying crosses all socioeconomic statuses and all races.  The more power a bully have, the more tactics and antics you are bound to have thrown your way.  Sometimes the behavior is devious, ruthless and downright ridiculous, but they will come at you hard and strong, trying to ruin your reputation, destroy your work history and career.  Bullies at work spend lots of time trying to convince others that you don’t know what you’re doing and you are a terrible person.  It’s all about distorting the truth and creating their revised perception of you, then spreading that around. They are good at playing politics and if you are surprised at what you seen them do, then trust and believe what you haven’t seen is usually much worse.  The level of hate could be toxic and when their rage is directed at you, it can be quite confusing, upsetting and worse.  So let me help a diva out.

You cannot bury your head in the sand and let this person depress, oppress or harass you into tears.  

You certainly can’t allow them to destroy your career.  It’s time to put the big girl hat on.  The first thing to know, “It’s not what people call you, it’s what you answer to.  This is a wonderful saying, the author deserves three snaps to the wind.  Your behavior and your interpretation of who you are is your reality.  No one gets to change who you are or the perception of who you are unless you let them – don’t let them.  You know the old saying, “You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all the people, all the time.”  Yep, another noteworthy quote.  Not everybody is going to believe all the hype and lies.  Your bully is not the leader of the free world, their behavior can be counteracted.  The important thing is not to let anyone ever feel like it is okay to disrespect you.  If it happens once, it will happen again, so you will have to address it.  But in the most professional manner, of course. Bullies love to intimidate and embarrass you, if possible.  You can certainly shut this down.  I won’t tell you step by step what to do because every situation is different and you can definitely google strategies for dealing with bullies in the workplace.  What I will tell you is not to lower yourself, your standards or your work ethics in an attempt to deal with someone who is willing to take the low road.  I don’t believe you have to fight fire with fire.  Fight fire with water, honey.  Save your energy for people in your life worth fighting for.  These are a few things I think you should keep in mind when dealing with a bully in the workplace.

1.     You know who you are - no one can change that unless you allow it.

2.     You will never be able to solve the problem for someone who may need therapy unless you have such license and medication don’t sign up for the job. 

3.     You are the only one that should tell the world who you are by your work and actions.  Counteract any threats to the truth.

4.     Don’t allow yourself to be isolated, don’t suffer in silence.  Don’t become anyone’s victim.

5.     Be proactive when and where possible. 

6.     Know when it’s time to walk away.  Know when it’s time to stand – you decide.

7.     Unlike your bully who will be consumed with destroying you (he or she may spend a lot of time thinking of how to upset you), limit the time and brain cells you use thinking about this person.  Don’t take them home with you, don’t start every personal conversation with their foolishness.  No one that behaves like a bully deserves this amount of your energy or time.  Be a person of action.  Act more, talk less.

8.     Know that whether you believe in, or like politics in the workplace, it is very much alive and well.  Handle yourself accordingly.

There are bullies everywhere, so running away from them is rarely the answer.  Sometimes we have to stand on the principals of justice.  Be a person of honor with a high ethical code of conduct in every situation.  Make the best decisions you can for you and your family, especially when dealing with a bully in the workplace.