It’s not unusual for anyone to make a mistake.  Sometimes we simply make poor decisions and those decisions have the potential to create lots of problems in our life.  What is worse than making a bad decision is allowing someone else to make it for you.  I honestly would rather make my own mistakes, than live with the outcome of someone else’s.  Perhaps silly, but I relish in the idea that if something is going wrong in my life, it’s my error and I am certainly invested in fixing it. 

First of all, we should/must make every effort to avoid mistakes in judgement, especially the ones that can be devastating to us or our loved ones.  We can’t control everything and sometimes no matter how hard you try, stuff happens.  However, it is definitely worth it to make an effort to get information prior to.  It is absolutely imperative that we do our due diligence, when and where possible. The more information we can gather prior to making a decision, the better our chances of making a good decision will be.  Don’t get pressured into making rash decision.  Take your time and process the information.  Ask your questions and get the answers you need to make an informed choice.  Whatever it is, if it is for you, it will still be for you when you finish thinking.

I’m not saying you should take a year to decide whether you want to purchase a particular house or not.  Yep, it will be sold to someone else.  I am saying if you met someone a day ago, cool your jets with, we’re getting married.  What could you possibly know about this guy in a few days? If you are in the market for a car, don’t fall in love with the first car you see and purchase it.  It’s a good idea not to buy a car the same day – even if you love it to death.  Shop around, it might be thousands of dollars cheaper somewhere else.  Leave room for negotiation.

Diva what I know for sure is, quick decisions are rarely good ones.  Anything worth doing, is worth doing well and that applies to relationships, large purchases and anything else that will affect your life in a major way.  The old saying, “Haste makes waste” couldn’t be more accurate”.  Don’t let anyone, not even yourself force you to make quick decisions, think it through and save yourself the headache and personal aggravation of finding out you made a choice that bites.

Walk like a giant girl.  Every morning when I wake up, I thank God for another day.  I am always cognizant of the fact, that there may be challenges and even annoyances that I may have to face today.  But, I will walk like a giant because, I know the challenges and the annoyances are not larger than my ability to handle them.  The same rule applies to every woman who understands that her strength comes from within.

We sometimes take for granted the shear strength, courage and determination that it takes to get through our life.  Let’s start with having a child, it is the most amazing thing in the world, but, any mother will tell you that it is also a little stressful. You worry about your health and the health of your unborn child for months and continue until the moment that child is born.  Once you’ve checked that all the fingers and toes are there, you take a small sigh of relief but worrying is far from over.  We won’t even get into the hours of unbearable pain that we endure during labor.  Anything can go wrong after conception.  Some woman don’t make it through childbirth, but that never, not for a minute, deters us from having children.  Did I mention that a large majority of women is also working during their pregnancy?  Wobbling to work with swollen feet, sleep deprived and exhausted.  We still manage to come home, cook and take care of our families.

 It takes guts and gumption to climb the corporate ladder and fight to break through that glass ceiling that prevents so many of us from obtaining the positions that we so rightfully deserve.  There are woman, sisters around the world, who fight every day for basic rights and still don’t have the right to vote or even share their opinion in public.  But Diva’s everywhere know that when they get up every morning, they must have a successful day and therefore, they must walk like a giant – stand tall.  Regardless of your location around the world or your circumstance, you must fill your day with positivity and you will get through it.  Why, because we understand the value and importance of our contribution, and we gladly rise to the challenge.

It’s not always easy to get past a painful situation, whether it’s a death in the family, a divorce or that dream job you thought you’ll have forever.  Life marches on, people change, and things change as well.  To successfully get through this life, we have to be accepting of change because change is the only thing that is consistent.  I know I have said this in a previous blog post, but it is so worth repeating.  We have to be more like trees, which bend and shift in the storm.  The secret to successfully weathering the storm is being flexible and having that advance assurance that, this too will end. 

And so, what is left to do after the storm has ended?  Cry, yes certainly – free your soul.  A little discombobulation might be taking place?  Yes, take the time you need to settle down and regroup.  Somethings take a minute to work through.  The thing to understand is, you have to give yourself a reasonable amount of time to work through the situation and your emotions, but you must absolutely move forward - this is not an option.  It’s unhealthy to remain in a negative space for any length of time, why would you want to anyway, it only hurts you. 

What else must you do after that life crises have shocked you, hurt you, and broke you down to the core?  What you do is, treat your life like you would a weather beaten house, you access the damage, save what you can, throw away what is beyond repair and then…you rebuild.  Oh and if there are things you need to upgrade, yeah throw those away too.  This is a great time for a brand new start.  Okay being more practical, you can give stuff away to good will or sell.  Whatever, just get rid of the unnecessary weight/stuff and anything that is a regular reminder of what you need to close the door on.

So, now it’s time to do your life work.  I think it’s always smart to deal with your mental health first, so how are you?  Do you need therapy?  Diva don’t be afraid or feel uncomfortable about getting what you need to put you in a good head space.  If you need a pastor's counseling or a therapist to help you navigate your healing, so be it.  If a good sister or a few sisters can help you figure it out and unclog your drains, hey go with that.  Once you are thinking clearly unhampered by overflowing emotion, it is time to make some life changing decisions.  You must choose to be happy, choose to be healthy and choose to be wealthy.  Yep, they are all choices.  You can’t control everything (i.e. Acts of God) but you can control yourself.  It’s your life, it’s time for you to make the right choices and start the work.

Once you’ve decided what you want, there is only one thing left to do – go for it.  Take one step at a time and rebuild from the ground up.  Purchase yourself a fabulous journal and write out your plan.  Personally, once I write it down – it’s done.  It becomes real, a true measurable goal and I’m on it.  It’s really a fun process,  you may have never thought to undergo it had it not been for the crises.  It’s important to understand that all things work together for good.  Sometimes it’s the most negative things that are the catalyst for the most wonderful things in your life.  You are here, go ahead and enjoy your healing process.  Who says it has to be difficult and tumultuous?  It is what you make it. You have already gone through the difficult part, this step is easy - enjoy! 

I am so looking forward to the holidays.  Why, because it’s another wonderful opportunity to spend quality time with the people I love.  Thanksgiving and Christmas are a big deal in my home.   Like the department stores, I plan for these holidays way too early.  Unlike the department stores, the holidays are not a commercial event to me.  We actually give thanks for our friends, family and our life in general.  Christmas is very special to me because of my religious beliefs and it’s always lots of fun to cook with my girls and enjoy the evening with the fam.  I’m dreaming of a white Christmas sounds good in theory but actuality is another story.  Skip me with the snow and ice, being cold is enough – thank you. 

While I have my thoughts on the holiday season, I do realize though, that there are many people who have lost family members around the holidays and for them, this time of year could be extremely stressful.  There are elderly folks who seems to be forgotten and in general some people can’t afford the expense of gifts and the holiday turkey dinner, etc. 

Let’s remember these people, keeping them in our prayers this holiday season.  Let’s remember the reason for the season and share what we have with others.   Visiting the hospital, an elderly home or simply sending over a plate of food for an elderly neighbor, is sure to warm someone’s heart and put a smile on their face. 

One of the best lessons we can teach our children this holiday season is, there is more to life than getting everything they want for Christmas.  Dropping off gifts to children in homeless shelters or the cancer center is an experience your children will never forget.  It’s all about the memories so make wonderful memories this year, plan early and do some good in the world diva.  Don’t let the opportunity to make a difference pass you by this holiday season.

My father was a master carpenter and I remember his huge tool box full of tools and other equipment that he used to maintain my childhood home.  I was impressed with his ability to make his measurements and calculations - they had to be precise.  “Measure twice, cut once”, he always said.  I learned quite a bit about home repairs by tagging along sometimes, but clearly not nearly enough.  I can’t tell you the number of times that I wished I paid more attention to the steps and process of completing certain repairs.  Don’t think for a minute I’m interested in doing any of that stuff – I’m not.  But, I understand the importance of knowing how things should be done correctly – there is a right way and a wrong way to do everything, especially when it comes to home repairs.  Repairs could be a costly situation, especially if you have to correct an error that was made by the last contractor.  Just a few tips for the Diva who is contemplating getting home repairs done.

1.       Word of mouth is the best way to find a contractor.  Ask trusted neighbors, your friends or family members.  Someone may have used someone that did an excellent job for them. 

2.       Plumbers, electricians and every contractor in between can be costly.  It’s important to get bids on the job you need to complete.  Ask questions pertaining to how it will be done and the timeline.

3.       Make sure you get an itemized agreement.  Know what they are going to do, using what type of materials and when the job can be expected to be completed. 

4.       This should actually be first on the list.  Never pay up front.  Don’t take away the best incentive to get your job done timely and properly.  Pay by check never cash.

5.       Know who you’re doing business with and who will be coming into your home.  Nothing is more upsetting than to meet someone you feel you can trust to have him send back Pooky and his cousin to do the actual work. 

6.       Research the job you need done.  It’s important to be somewhat knowledgeable about the job you need to complete.  Using the wrong supplies or materials means what goes up easy will come down the same way.

7.       Choose your products where possible – you’ll know what the value and quality of it is.

8.       Someone needs to shadow your contractor.  It helps to ask questions (not too many though) along the way.  It's important to have the opportunity to stop the job if you don’t like something, before it gets done.  Also, every Diva knows, you trust no one with the run of your house.  Yep, got to know where they are and that the job is being completed in a timely manner, especially if you are paying by the hour.

Have you ever had to speak to someone who has a nasty disposition?  During your conversation, they are constantly throwing shade?  They are working off the assumption that you either don’t understand what they truly mean or you don’t know how to respond.  Bullies come in all shapes and forms, and sometimes they simply need to be ignored, sometimes not.  You decide.

I’m certain diva’s get this all the time, there is always someone who feels like they have to put you in your place.  After all, who do you think you are?  Well diva, apparently they know exactly who you are or they won’t be trying so hard to change who you are in their minds. 

Can I be frank, I have an urgent need to write a letter?  Dear Shady folks, Divas are educated, articulate and trust and believe nothing is going over their head.  I can bet you, for certain, they can more than respond.  Speaking on a personal note, I know of only a few people that can handle my mouth, but I chose to take the high road.  We have the potential to make your ears bleed, just so you know.  Trust me, you don’t want any of this.  Everybody can be nasty, curt, shady and downright disrespectful.  Being obnoxious is not a highly learned skill, we are all capable of it.  Diva’s chose not to negatively engage but don’t take our meekness for weakness - that can change without prior warning. Sincerely a diva that can't be so bothered with the junior high school shenanigans. 

There is a time and a place for everything.  Where, if or when we engage must always be our choice.  We can't let anyone control our behavior ever or cause us to act out of character.  We can chose to respond in like fashion or not – but we know that less is often more.  What we don’t say, is sometimes more powerful and to the point, than what we do.  So when possible, remain calm and smile.  Why, because that is what we choose to do, while we are thinking, "No energy worth wasting here Felica."  

Understand that it don’t make anyone a big person, because they have a big mouth.  Professionalism and self-control dictate that everything that someone thinks, does not have to come out of their mouth - so you would hope.  Someone else's opinion of a person does not change who that person truly is. My father always said, if you don’t have something good to say... don’t say anything.  People should speak to the point and when they think of something shady to say, they should do themselves a personal favor and simply zip the lip.

Have you ever worked somewhere and you couldn’t wait to leave every day?  There are so many people who absolutely hate their job.  In some cases, they don’t like what they are doing.  Perhaps it’s simply not a good fit with their skills and abilities.  In other cases, the boss may be a micro-manager who is clueless.  I’ve been in that position in my early career days.  There is nothing worse than someone who wants to tell you what to do when they don’t know what they are doing, never mind know what you are doing.  There are other cases where people are dissatisfied with their place of employment because they don’t really like the people or the culture/atmosphere at work.  When you find the right match, you will find that you enjoy it so much, it feels less like work and more like, well like fun.

I happen to be a very lucky person in this regard. I absolutely love my job.  I not only love what I do but more importantly, I love who I do it with.  I have the absolute best staff.  I’ve worked with some of these teachers for 16 years and some just a few months, but we have a good working relationship.  I think what’s important here is that I trust my staff to be professionals and to do an excellent job - they certainly do.  Is everything always perfect – no.  That is not the expectation.  The expectation is that we will do our best job every day and that happens.  The most favorite part of my job is teacher observations.  This is when I get to see the magic happen.  I get to watch teachers do a fabulous job of educating students in caring environments conducive to learning.  I know they work hard, but they make it look effortless.  Their efforts are genuine and natural and that is evident.  My teachers come in early at times, they leave late.  I know they take work home, they want the best for their students.  It’s a pleasure to work with these ladies.

If you are lucky enough to work with people who are passionate about their job, who get along well with each other and understand the big picture, you understand the value of excellent staff.  An import part of any leader’s job is to work with staff to create a work culture and then give them the leeway and support they need to accomplish the mission of doing their job.

These are just a few things I learned along the way:

1.       Trust people to do the right thing – they will.  And for the one or two that won’t, they now showed you how to work with them.

2.       Appreciate the talents and skill set that each person brings to the job.  Let people do what they do best.

3.       Celebrate diversity.  We are all different, yet we are so much alike.  Appreciate each person as their individual self.  This is not a one size fits all kind of thing.  Take the time to learn about other cultures and respect all of them.

4.       Fairness is the best policy.  You can’t supervise people who can’t trust you to be fair.

5.       Kindness is paramount.  Yes the work must get done, but respect and appreciate individual situations and help people work through personal difficulty.  In short, be supportive.

6.       Listen more, talk less – Director’s don’t always have the answers, I have so many staff that have skill

sets that enhance my own.  You can learn from your staff, respect that.

7.       Appreciate leadership.  You don’t have to be the only leader, provide opportunity for those who are interested to do so.

8.       Morality, ethics and work standards go a long way.  Be the first example of what you want to see in others.

9.       Support your staff.  If you are not prepared to support your staff, choose another field.  Teachers are as effective as their leaders.  If you don’t provide them with the assistance they need to do a good job, you’re the biggest part of the problem.

10.   If you are in a leadership position you don’t have to act like “the big boss”, it’s so last year.  If you’re the boss everybody already knows it.  Team work works.

Always stay “in the know”.  Study, research and investigate.  But above all, do a great job and support your staff, people work best when they know you care.